"Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset."
St. Francis
I'm sure I'm not alone in this. Fear and worry and anxiety has gripped our world, our nation, and our little town. After the recent earthquake in Japan, these traits have taken hold of us, causing panic, stress, and more. My family has put together emergency kits for use if our area is hit by an earthquake and subsequent tsunami. Others' family relationships are strained by differences of opinion on how to deal with this impending disaster. Other circumstances have come up in a friends' life that has caused increasing stress resulting even in physical ailments. Fear. Worry. Anxiety. Stress.
I myself was having difficulty sleeping for fear that "the Big One" would hit in the middle of the night. I had my flashlight and set of clothes handy, ready to go if need be. How paralyzing and stressful this way of life is!
I prayed for peace, I prayed for calmness and the ability to trust in what I cannot see. I prayed for God to show me that he has things under control and knows what's in my heart.
As I prayed and poured out my concerns, verses came into my mind.
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." John 14:1
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
"Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked,
for the LORD will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared." Proverbs 3:25-26
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7
"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34
Already my heart was feeling lighter, my heart had stopped it's quick beat, and I was able to relax. Last thing I remember was saying the 23 Psalm out loud before falling asleep.
1 The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell[a] in the house of the LORD
Forever.
**********************
In these times of uncertainty, fear and catastrophe, it is easy to be overtaken and overwrought. It is easy to fall into a pattern of distrust and anger and selfishness.
We have to look beyond ourselves and what we see, and rely on God to see us through. I'm not a pastor or a theologian and I don't claim to be overly knowledgeable in understanding Biblical meanings. But the verses I've quoted here show clearly that God is in control. The One who created Earth, created you and me, created the birds and animals and every species of flower...HE is the one who knows. He holds us in His hands. He is there in front of you, beckoning to you to come. Like a daddy comforts a wounded child, He wants to comfort you. He wants you to rest in His arms, be cradled in His love, be safe in the knowledge that He is here and is in control.
Does this mean that the "Big One" will be held off? That our town will avoid calamity? That the troubles in the world will be resolved? That is not the promise. His promise to you is that IF these things happen, He WILL be with you. He does love you. You are held in His hands.
"First keep the peace within yourself, then you can also bring peace to others."
Thomas Kempis
Monday, March 21, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Words
"It is with a word as with an arrow -- once you let it loose it does not return."
Source Unknown
Tonight I am tired. My mind refuses to be occupied by the silly computer games I am attempting to pass the time with, and instead keeps wondering and thinking of off the wall thoughts.
One thought that stuck out to me was this...what if I were suddenly infected with a disease that made it impossible to hold back from saying the things I am thinking? I admit that it would be nice to finally be able to tell some people what I really think of them, or let them know how their words and actions affected me.
But for the most part, how harmful this disease would be. Because, although we don't like to admit it, these not-nice thoughts invade our minds even about people we love and cherish. Our impatience gets the better of us and we silently wish they'd get their act together. Or maybe something about a person's appearance needs improvement. Normally we would bite back the negative comments and find something positive to compliment this person on. But, no! When infected with this disease, you are suddenly telling this person all the ugly, distasteful, scornful things about themselves.
Now, let's turn the tables for a moment. Imagine everyone you know has this same disease. They can't hold back the nasty comments rolling around in their heads. I picture the sky filling up with dark, rolling clouds that choke out the sun, and people's faces drawing into perpetual frowns.
I suppose now the proper thing to do would be to imagine yourself being infected by, shall we say, the love bug. The nice things you notice about others, the sweet things you are normally too embarrassed to say are now drawn out of you and vocalized. Can you see the recipient's face? The joy that spreads across the face of one you have just said wonderful, unexpected things about. This paints a picture of bright blue skies, rainbows, butterflies and unicorns. Silly!
My point is this: our words matter. Our words really do have the power to build up a person, or destroy them. We bring hope, and dash it away, just by opening our mouths and saying what's in our hearts.
What will you be saying (and thinking) today?
Proverbs 15:4:
Gentle words are a tree of life;
a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
Source Unknown
Tonight I am tired. My mind refuses to be occupied by the silly computer games I am attempting to pass the time with, and instead keeps wondering and thinking of off the wall thoughts.
One thought that stuck out to me was this...what if I were suddenly infected with a disease that made it impossible to hold back from saying the things I am thinking? I admit that it would be nice to finally be able to tell some people what I really think of them, or let them know how their words and actions affected me.
But for the most part, how harmful this disease would be. Because, although we don't like to admit it, these not-nice thoughts invade our minds even about people we love and cherish. Our impatience gets the better of us and we silently wish they'd get their act together. Or maybe something about a person's appearance needs improvement. Normally we would bite back the negative comments and find something positive to compliment this person on. But, no! When infected with this disease, you are suddenly telling this person all the ugly, distasteful, scornful things about themselves.
Now, let's turn the tables for a moment. Imagine everyone you know has this same disease. They can't hold back the nasty comments rolling around in their heads. I picture the sky filling up with dark, rolling clouds that choke out the sun, and people's faces drawing into perpetual frowns.
I suppose now the proper thing to do would be to imagine yourself being infected by, shall we say, the love bug. The nice things you notice about others, the sweet things you are normally too embarrassed to say are now drawn out of you and vocalized. Can you see the recipient's face? The joy that spreads across the face of one you have just said wonderful, unexpected things about. This paints a picture of bright blue skies, rainbows, butterflies and unicorns. Silly!
My point is this: our words matter. Our words really do have the power to build up a person, or destroy them. We bring hope, and dash it away, just by opening our mouths and saying what's in our hearts.
What will you be saying (and thinking) today?
Proverbs 15:4:
Gentle words are a tree of life;
a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
Friday, January 21, 2011
CARE
"To will is to select a goal, determine a course of action that will bring one to that goal, and then hold to that action until the goal is reached. The key is action."
Michael Hanson
A good friend of mine challenged her blog readers recently to adopt a "word of the year." I have been pondering this for a while and think I may have come across a word that fits.
CARE
C- Change. Change my attitude. Change my bad habits. Change the basic way I view things in life. In a sense taking off one set of glasses and putting on a new set. One that sees the good in people first, appreciates the smaller things in life.
A- Accept. Accept and love who I am. Accept others as who they are. Accept the place I am in right now as God's will for me. Accept the good things that are coming my way.
R- Relationships. I want to build upon the ones already in place in my life. I want to sow into the lives of my friends, spend more time with my family, and grow deeper in love with my husband.
E- Encourage. I want and need to make a conscious effort to be positive and say uplifting words. I want to focus on building people up, and help them feel valued and loved.
So that's it in a (not so small) nutshell. Care about God. Care about myself. Care about my family. Care about my friends. Care about others I may come in contact with. Lord let me be a caring, accepting, encouraging person.
Everyone of us needs to show how much we care for each other and, in the process, care for ourselves.
- Princess Diana
Michael Hanson
A good friend of mine challenged her blog readers recently to adopt a "word of the year." I have been pondering this for a while and think I may have come across a word that fits.
CARE
C- Change. Change my attitude. Change my bad habits. Change the basic way I view things in life. In a sense taking off one set of glasses and putting on a new set. One that sees the good in people first, appreciates the smaller things in life.
A- Accept. Accept and love who I am. Accept others as who they are. Accept the place I am in right now as God's will for me. Accept the good things that are coming my way.
R- Relationships. I want to build upon the ones already in place in my life. I want to sow into the lives of my friends, spend more time with my family, and grow deeper in love with my husband.
E- Encourage. I want and need to make a conscious effort to be positive and say uplifting words. I want to focus on building people up, and help them feel valued and loved.
So that's it in a (not so small) nutshell. Care about God. Care about myself. Care about my family. Care about my friends. Care about others I may come in contact with. Lord let me be a caring, accepting, encouraging person.
Everyone of us needs to show how much we care for each other and, in the process, care for ourselves.
- Princess Diana
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
A City on A Hill
"There can be no real individual freedom in the presence of economic insecurity." -Chester Bowles
Too many times this last week I have found myself on the verge of tears. Not from physical pain, or emotional trauma. But from a deeply grieved heart. In the evenings I find myself checking the news on the Wii before I watch a show. And every day I am shocked and appalled at the condition of our world. Of our nation. Murders. Shootings. Politics. Unemployment issues. Rape. Terrorist attempts. Drug busts. The list goes on.
I find myself wanting to weep for each life that was lost. I get angry with selfish politicians and higher-ups. I admit I become fearful and wonder if the next attack may be on my hometown, my family, my husband's job, my life. No one is immune.
Christmas is coming soon and I absolutely love everything about this holiday. Decorations, both homemade and store bought. I love setting up the nativity that my mom painted for me 10 years ago, and the stable my dad and husband made before we were married. The paper snowflakes, candle holders, window clings, and eventually the tree. Christmas music played constantly, hot chocolate and candy canes. Bundling up to go look at all the lights. Everything about this holiday entrances me.
But this year I am feeling a little blue. I'm not concerned about being able to provide a rich Christmas for my kids, for I know they are loved and spoiled by multitudes of family. We will never want. :) I am not worried about power outages causing a lack of heat, for we have a full woodshed and a very powerful woodstove. We shall not want for food, either, with a stocked pantry and fridge/freezer.
So why am I blue? Well, how can anyone not feel even slightly unsettled by taking a good look around? Did you know that the national unemployment rate is still at 9.3? That means millions of people are without jobs right now, and many of them are about to lose their unemployment compensation this month. How absolutely awful it would be to know Christmas is 24 days away and you will have no income whatsoever. It's heartbreaking.
I know we have things a whole lot better than it was back during the Depression. But I know that for every person who seems to have it all together, there are dozens more who are suffering right now. A single mother looking in the cupboard and finding maybe a simple bag of potatoes. A father loses his job due to outsourcing is foreclosed on and his family is now on the streets. Mentally disabled people are being abused. Children sexually molested, schools with shootings, bullied gays (and straights) committing suicide, pastors "coming out,", a society that believes marriage as an institution is no longer needed, everything evil corrupting our very lives.
This is why my heart hurts. I am appalled that Washington looks at the sorry state of our nation and announces they are freezing the pay of federal employees, listing the salaries of congressmen to be in the multiple hundreds of thousands. And MILLIONS of people are living beneath the national poverty rate of under $25,ooo for a family of four. I would not be a very good politically correct politician. I could not stand to look at those numbers and continue at the same rate of pay. One could argue, "Oh, they earn their money. Politics is a very difficult field." What about the men in the coal mines, the waitresses making minimum wage, even security officers barely scraping by? Every single job in this nation has importance. And every job has it's troubles. I don't think any job in the world is worth hundreds of thousands of dollars more than any other. The politician would not survive without the grocer, or the farmer, or the electrician, or the jail guard, or the teachers. We are all connected and intertwined, we cannot escape each other.
I am sad. I am sad that life is not ideal. I am sad that people are in pain and children go hungry. I am sad that people willfully hurt the people that they love, and that morals are being forsaken every day.
The only bright spot in all this is that the very thing we are about to celebrate is the birth of the one who came as a savior to this poor, pathetic world. The one who brings hope, life, deliverance and is just and kind to all. He was a man like us and saw the depravity of men. He saw the "righteous" acting unrighteously, he saw war ravaged lands, people killing people, hungry children and abused women. He saw us in our stupidity and humbleness, and he still chose to die in our place. To be the "magic eraser" to clean our hearts of it's nastiness.
Let Jesus be your hope this season. Let his love shine through you. Let us truly be his hands and feet as we live in this fallen world. What can we do, as believers and followers of Christ, to somehow make this evil nation better? That is your mission. That is your goal. To leave this world better than when you got here. To light up the darkness with His light.
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.
14 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. 15 No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.
-Matthew 5:13-16
Too many times this last week I have found myself on the verge of tears. Not from physical pain, or emotional trauma. But from a deeply grieved heart. In the evenings I find myself checking the news on the Wii before I watch a show. And every day I am shocked and appalled at the condition of our world. Of our nation. Murders. Shootings. Politics. Unemployment issues. Rape. Terrorist attempts. Drug busts. The list goes on.
I find myself wanting to weep for each life that was lost. I get angry with selfish politicians and higher-ups. I admit I become fearful and wonder if the next attack may be on my hometown, my family, my husband's job, my life. No one is immune.
Christmas is coming soon and I absolutely love everything about this holiday. Decorations, both homemade and store bought. I love setting up the nativity that my mom painted for me 10 years ago, and the stable my dad and husband made before we were married. The paper snowflakes, candle holders, window clings, and eventually the tree. Christmas music played constantly, hot chocolate and candy canes. Bundling up to go look at all the lights. Everything about this holiday entrances me.
But this year I am feeling a little blue. I'm not concerned about being able to provide a rich Christmas for my kids, for I know they are loved and spoiled by multitudes of family. We will never want. :) I am not worried about power outages causing a lack of heat, for we have a full woodshed and a very powerful woodstove. We shall not want for food, either, with a stocked pantry and fridge/freezer.
So why am I blue? Well, how can anyone not feel even slightly unsettled by taking a good look around? Did you know that the national unemployment rate is still at 9.3? That means millions of people are without jobs right now, and many of them are about to lose their unemployment compensation this month. How absolutely awful it would be to know Christmas is 24 days away and you will have no income whatsoever. It's heartbreaking.
I know we have things a whole lot better than it was back during the Depression. But I know that for every person who seems to have it all together, there are dozens more who are suffering right now. A single mother looking in the cupboard and finding maybe a simple bag of potatoes. A father loses his job due to outsourcing is foreclosed on and his family is now on the streets. Mentally disabled people are being abused. Children sexually molested, schools with shootings, bullied gays (and straights) committing suicide, pastors "coming out,", a society that believes marriage as an institution is no longer needed, everything evil corrupting our very lives.
This is why my heart hurts. I am appalled that Washington looks at the sorry state of our nation and announces they are freezing the pay of federal employees, listing the salaries of congressmen to be in the multiple hundreds of thousands. And MILLIONS of people are living beneath the national poverty rate of under $25,ooo for a family of four. I would not be a very good politically correct politician. I could not stand to look at those numbers and continue at the same rate of pay. One could argue, "Oh, they earn their money. Politics is a very difficult field." What about the men in the coal mines, the waitresses making minimum wage, even security officers barely scraping by? Every single job in this nation has importance. And every job has it's troubles. I don't think any job in the world is worth hundreds of thousands of dollars more than any other. The politician would not survive without the grocer, or the farmer, or the electrician, or the jail guard, or the teachers. We are all connected and intertwined, we cannot escape each other.
I am sad. I am sad that life is not ideal. I am sad that people are in pain and children go hungry. I am sad that people willfully hurt the people that they love, and that morals are being forsaken every day.
The only bright spot in all this is that the very thing we are about to celebrate is the birth of the one who came as a savior to this poor, pathetic world. The one who brings hope, life, deliverance and is just and kind to all. He was a man like us and saw the depravity of men. He saw the "righteous" acting unrighteously, he saw war ravaged lands, people killing people, hungry children and abused women. He saw us in our stupidity and humbleness, and he still chose to die in our place. To be the "magic eraser" to clean our hearts of it's nastiness.
Let Jesus be your hope this season. Let his love shine through you. Let us truly be his hands and feet as we live in this fallen world. What can we do, as believers and followers of Christ, to somehow make this evil nation better? That is your mission. That is your goal. To leave this world better than when you got here. To light up the darkness with His light.
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.
14 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. 15 No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.
-Matthew 5:13-16
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Dream
Each of us has an inner dream that we can unfold if we will just have the courage to admit what it is. And the faith to trust our own admission. The admitting is often very difficult. ~Julia Cameron
Just think: each person you see, each life on the other end of the phone line, each silhouette in the distance; every person alive today has a dream. Just ponder that thought for a moment. What does that mean?
Search within yourself and find what it is you dream of. Is it something that can be held? Is it a state of mind? Is it based on memory or frivolity? What would it take to see this dream realized? Do you feel the desire building to see this vision come to pass?
Now, picture something else for me. In your mind's eye, look at your best friend. Your high school English teacher. Your boss. Your child's best friend's mom (who doesn't give you the time of day). Your spouse. What do you see? Do you see someone you would like to be? Maybe you can't stand the person, or perhaps you'd just as soon forget you'd ever met them.
Each and every one of these people you have pictured in your mind are just like you in one aspect: they have dreams. They have hopes of accomplishing something amazing. Writing a book. Being a star. Ending world hunger. Raising a family.
Perhaps if we could all step beyond ourselves and our own lofty ambitions and selfish goals, and learn to see each of our fellow human beings for what they really are (dreamers like ourselves), we would begin to see a decrease in loneliness, self-hatred, and isolation. If we were to come along side one another and make a pledge to help fulfill the dreams of our neighbor, what an amazingly joyful world we would live in! There would be fulfilled dreams of all shapes and sizes: marriages would be saved, our church ministries would be able to touch the lives of millions, we may actually see the end of world hunger, the American Dream would become a reality again.
Begin to look at the people you come in contact with as dreamers. You may be at the checkout stand and the cashier seems to be having a bad day. Is it their dream to work at a grocery store all day? Are they fulfilled? What can you do? As we approach the holidays and are in frequent contact with close friends and family, begin to look beyond the faces you know and love, and ponder what silent dream they may be holding inside.
I dare you to begin taking steps to make your dream a reality. What would it take? Is it worth it? How bad do you really want it? And...what are you waiting for?
Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
Just think: each person you see, each life on the other end of the phone line, each silhouette in the distance; every person alive today has a dream. Just ponder that thought for a moment. What does that mean?
Search within yourself and find what it is you dream of. Is it something that can be held? Is it a state of mind? Is it based on memory or frivolity? What would it take to see this dream realized? Do you feel the desire building to see this vision come to pass?
Now, picture something else for me. In your mind's eye, look at your best friend. Your high school English teacher. Your boss. Your child's best friend's mom (who doesn't give you the time of day). Your spouse. What do you see? Do you see someone you would like to be? Maybe you can't stand the person, or perhaps you'd just as soon forget you'd ever met them.
Each and every one of these people you have pictured in your mind are just like you in one aspect: they have dreams. They have hopes of accomplishing something amazing. Writing a book. Being a star. Ending world hunger. Raising a family.
Perhaps if we could all step beyond ourselves and our own lofty ambitions and selfish goals, and learn to see each of our fellow human beings for what they really are (dreamers like ourselves), we would begin to see a decrease in loneliness, self-hatred, and isolation. If we were to come along side one another and make a pledge to help fulfill the dreams of our neighbor, what an amazingly joyful world we would live in! There would be fulfilled dreams of all shapes and sizes: marriages would be saved, our church ministries would be able to touch the lives of millions, we may actually see the end of world hunger, the American Dream would become a reality again.
Begin to look at the people you come in contact with as dreamers. You may be at the checkout stand and the cashier seems to be having a bad day. Is it their dream to work at a grocery store all day? Are they fulfilled? What can you do? As we approach the holidays and are in frequent contact with close friends and family, begin to look beyond the faces you know and love, and ponder what silent dream they may be holding inside.
I dare you to begin taking steps to make your dream a reality. What would it take? Is it worth it? How bad do you really want it? And...what are you waiting for?
Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
Friday, September 24, 2010
A few weeks ago my oldest son asked a question that let to me having to discuss reproduction. When I later told my husband what I had said to DS1 he was slightly shocked. Now, when I explained myself, that DS1 had been asking more and more questions, and that I was giving the age appropriate condensed answers, my husband relaxed. We have always tried to be open with the boys about body parts and their names. It can be embarrassing, having them nonchalantly mention the name of a certain body part in the presence of someone else, but we feel it's healthier this way than keeping hush-hush about everything.
Another interesting thing I have noticed about my boys is how much they do NOT listen. I have learned this is a pretty common problem in raising boys, and have found Dr. James Dobson's "Bringing Up Boys" to be extremely helpful. If you suffer from the same seemingly hearing impaired family members like I do, here are some helpful hints (that always seem harder to implement in the heat of the moment):
*Be sure you have your son's attention when giving them direction.
*Physical contact works wonders...a hand on the shoulder, hugs, hands on either side of his face.
*EYE CONTACT, and not the glazed over staring into space look. Make sure your son looks you in the eye when you are giving direction.
*Have him repeat back to you what you just said.
*Expect an immediate response. If he waits to finish what he's doing, i.e. book, video game, etc., he'll most likely forget what you told him to do.
***These also help in communicating with husbands.
Recently, I was blessed by giving birth to a beautiful little girl, and I have since been finding out how truly different boys and girls are. Where my boys instinctively make car noises when playing with Hot Wheels, DD1 either chews on the cars, or holds it to her ear and says "Hi."
The boys would hear us say "No. That's not a cupboard for you to play in," and they would pick up the pace to beat us to the off limits object. Now, DD1 will sometimes do the same (after all, it's in our nature to want what we can't have), but she is determined to make us feel bad about denying her anything she wants. She'll wail and flop on the ground with great big crocodile tears flowing down her cheeks, and her face will turn splotchy from crying. Talk about emotional!
I finally finished reading Dr. James Dobson's "Bringing Up Girls" and found a few things interesting enough to stick with me.
*From the ages of 6 months to 3 years, a baby girl's brain is bathed in estrogen at an extreme amount. So when your little girl seems to be PMS-ing, she is (in a weird sort of way). Crabby one minute, lovey the next, never know exactly what she's thinking, cries like you're torturing her when she doesn't get her way....Dr. Dobson calls this the first puberty.
*A loving and involved father brings so many blessings to a little girl, but an interesting tidbit is this; the daughter of an involved father may experience a delay in puberty. When a girl is young, her body is picking up her daddy's pheromones and chemical reactions are taking place in her body. This reaction can delay the onset of early puberty, which in turn can protect her from certain diseases in the future. It's obviously not fool proof, but it definitely makes sense. At the beginning of time, when life was all about surviving, if a girl lost her father early on, it could be a death sentence. With her father gone, her body would not be picking up on those fatherly pheromones, which in turn tells her body to become a woman early on. This would make her a candidate for marriage, which would in turn bring her safety and protection from her husband.
So, all that being said, we've got a lot of varying dynamics in our household. We have two rambunctious boys vying for dominance, and a little girl in the middle of her first puberty. Phew, it's exhausting! But so worth it!
Another interesting thing I have noticed about my boys is how much they do NOT listen. I have learned this is a pretty common problem in raising boys, and have found Dr. James Dobson's "Bringing Up Boys" to be extremely helpful. If you suffer from the same seemingly hearing impaired family members like I do, here are some helpful hints (that always seem harder to implement in the heat of the moment):
*Be sure you have your son's attention when giving them direction.
*Physical contact works wonders...a hand on the shoulder, hugs, hands on either side of his face.
*EYE CONTACT, and not the glazed over staring into space look. Make sure your son looks you in the eye when you are giving direction.
*Have him repeat back to you what you just said.
*Expect an immediate response. If he waits to finish what he's doing, i.e. book, video game, etc., he'll most likely forget what you told him to do.
***These also help in communicating with husbands.
Recently, I was blessed by giving birth to a beautiful little girl, and I have since been finding out how truly different boys and girls are. Where my boys instinctively make car noises when playing with Hot Wheels, DD1 either chews on the cars, or holds it to her ear and says "Hi."
The boys would hear us say "No. That's not a cupboard for you to play in," and they would pick up the pace to beat us to the off limits object. Now, DD1 will sometimes do the same (after all, it's in our nature to want what we can't have), but she is determined to make us feel bad about denying her anything she wants. She'll wail and flop on the ground with great big crocodile tears flowing down her cheeks, and her face will turn splotchy from crying. Talk about emotional!
I finally finished reading Dr. James Dobson's "Bringing Up Girls" and found a few things interesting enough to stick with me.
*From the ages of 6 months to 3 years, a baby girl's brain is bathed in estrogen at an extreme amount. So when your little girl seems to be PMS-ing, she is (in a weird sort of way). Crabby one minute, lovey the next, never know exactly what she's thinking, cries like you're torturing her when she doesn't get her way....Dr. Dobson calls this the first puberty.
*A loving and involved father brings so many blessings to a little girl, but an interesting tidbit is this; the daughter of an involved father may experience a delay in puberty. When a girl is young, her body is picking up her daddy's pheromones and chemical reactions are taking place in her body. This reaction can delay the onset of early puberty, which in turn can protect her from certain diseases in the future. It's obviously not fool proof, but it definitely makes sense. At the beginning of time, when life was all about surviving, if a girl lost her father early on, it could be a death sentence. With her father gone, her body would not be picking up on those fatherly pheromones, which in turn tells her body to become a woman early on. This would make her a candidate for marriage, which would in turn bring her safety and protection from her husband.
So, all that being said, we've got a lot of varying dynamics in our household. We have two rambunctious boys vying for dominance, and a little girl in the middle of her first puberty. Phew, it's exhausting! But so worth it!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Reflections
I have been really wanting to write again, searching for ideas, and at times finding them. But those would undoubtedly be the times when I was about to put the kids to bed, or leave the house, and would soon forget what it was I was going to write. And I sat down tonight intent on discovering just the right thing to blog about, and nothing came to mind. I thought to myself several times, "I just don't see where I've changed."
And then I thought, well, maybe that's the problem.
Have you ever seen the movie "Mulan"? I have always loved the song Mulan sings partway through while watching her reflection in the water. "Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show who I am inside?" There is just this haunting searching cry that I feel my own heart echo each time I hear that song. Who am I? Why do I feel so different on the inside than the me I show on the outside? Does everyone look different on the inside, or is it just me?
But why do I still feel this way? I thought these thoughts of longing and misplacement were issues only adolescents deal with. I thought that once I crossed the threshold of motherhood, wife-hood, or at least the ripe ole' age of 25 I would somehow be exempt from feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. And I am learning that, unfortunately, I was wrong.
When do we as women (or men if any man should ever choose to read this) finally reach a point in life where we are content with who we are, the choices we have made and will make, and are truly real both inside and out? I'm sure it's different for every person, that we can't set an age to it. I wish we could. It would be so assuring to be able to say, "Well Kei; I know you don't feel very confident/beautiful/competent/important/interesting/etc..... right now, but you only have 2 years left until you reach fulfillment! Keep plugging away and you'll make it!" How wonderful that would be!
The other night I watched a new Veggie Tales movie: Sweet Pea Beauty. It was very princessy. I love the illustration there was when the queen became uglier in action and thought, she also became uglier on the outside. In comparison, Sweet Pea Beauty was kind, sweet (of course), compassionate and generous, and was beautiful on the outside as well. The Bible verse QWERTY quoted at the end was "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30.
The Bible also says to "delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalms 37:4.
A person can put 2 and 2 together and come to the conclusion that I know I must have heard before a dozen times. Delight in the Lord. Love Him. Obey Him. Keep His commands. Love your fellow man (the second commandment in Jesus version). Delight in the Lord and the desires that He has placed in your heart to prosper you will be given to you. The beauty, the confidence, the success we try so hard to achieve are all things we look to to make us happy and fulfill us. But we are left feeling empty and unknown because they can never take the place of our awesome creator and Father.
So, will anyone embark on this journey of learning to delight in the Lord with me? Does anyone else even need to embark, or are you already there? I know I cannot be alone in this place, that there is someone else out there feeling the same as me. What will we do about it? Continue to feel lonely, or unloved, or unsatisfied? Or will we choose to take the first step?
*Definitely watch the second video.
And then I thought, well, maybe that's the problem.
Have you ever seen the movie "Mulan"? I have always loved the song Mulan sings partway through while watching her reflection in the water. "Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show who I am inside?" There is just this haunting searching cry that I feel my own heart echo each time I hear that song. Who am I? Why do I feel so different on the inside than the me I show on the outside? Does everyone look different on the inside, or is it just me?
But why do I still feel this way? I thought these thoughts of longing and misplacement were issues only adolescents deal with. I thought that once I crossed the threshold of motherhood, wife-hood, or at least the ripe ole' age of 25 I would somehow be exempt from feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. And I am learning that, unfortunately, I was wrong.
When do we as women (or men if any man should ever choose to read this) finally reach a point in life where we are content with who we are, the choices we have made and will make, and are truly real both inside and out? I'm sure it's different for every person, that we can't set an age to it. I wish we could. It would be so assuring to be able to say, "Well Kei; I know you don't feel very confident/beautiful/competent/important/interesting/etc..... right now, but you only have 2 years left until you reach fulfillment! Keep plugging away and you'll make it!" How wonderful that would be!
The other night I watched a new Veggie Tales movie: Sweet Pea Beauty. It was very princessy. I love the illustration there was when the queen became uglier in action and thought, she also became uglier on the outside. In comparison, Sweet Pea Beauty was kind, sweet (of course), compassionate and generous, and was beautiful on the outside as well. The Bible verse QWERTY quoted at the end was "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30.
The Bible also says to "delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalms 37:4.
A person can put 2 and 2 together and come to the conclusion that I know I must have heard before a dozen times. Delight in the Lord. Love Him. Obey Him. Keep His commands. Love your fellow man (the second commandment in Jesus version). Delight in the Lord and the desires that He has placed in your heart to prosper you will be given to you. The beauty, the confidence, the success we try so hard to achieve are all things we look to to make us happy and fulfill us. But we are left feeling empty and unknown because they can never take the place of our awesome creator and Father.
So, will anyone embark on this journey of learning to delight in the Lord with me? Does anyone else even need to embark, or are you already there? I know I cannot be alone in this place, that there is someone else out there feeling the same as me. What will we do about it? Continue to feel lonely, or unloved, or unsatisfied? Or will we choose to take the first step?
*Definitely watch the second video.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Words to a Baby
I was reading back through the journal I have kept for and about DS1. I started it when I was about 3 months pregnant with him. What amazed me was 1)How often I wrote in it before he was born. Shouldn't be so surprised since I was at home all day w/ no one to take care of. 2)How much of it probably won't mean much to anyone but me and possibly him as he gets older. 3)Almost every entry mentions something about how fast he is growing, or "I can't believe you're already ____ months old." or something like that.
Now, I know it really won't mean as much to anyone else, but I thought I'd share a few of the sweeter tidbits from here and there.
May 4, 2005: You are so wonderful. My life revolves around you. I constantly am waiting for your next movement, anticipating what new foods will cause you to do, and enjoying feeling you play hide-and-seek with everyone. No one but your daddy has been able to feel you.
May 14, 2005: I'm so anxious for you to get here. I wish they could do a c-section this week, just so I can have you. But you still have 8 weeks left. I know it will go by fast, and that is my only consolation.
September 16, 2006: I love you so much. Every day my heart just fills with more and more love for you. I can't believe how much love I have for you. You are my Sweetheart, my "Booger," my big boy. You are so cute and adorable. I love watching you sleep in the car. Your cheeks all cute and chubby, and your lips pooch out.
October 25, 2006: I have to keep telling myself, "I do love my kids, I do, I do..." Oh, there are days, like today, when I want to pull my hair out. Both you and DS2 have been pills. And you with your new found attitude. It drives me crazy!
March 12, 2010: Oh, what a character you are! You are 4 1/2 now, and full of your own opinions and thoughts. You are inquisitive and a good leader. I read somewhere recently that preschoolers ask an average of 75 questions an hour---and you seem determined to prove that!
July 14, 2010: Well, no longer are you 4. You have had your 5th birthday, and you are really embracing the self proclaimed idea that being 5 means you get special privileges. We are having to remind you constantly that you are still a child and you do still have to follow the rules and be nice.........You are so excited for all the wonderful adventures that life holds for you. One that comes to mind is losing your teeth. On your birthday you felt your teeth, then exclaimed "I'm not 5 yet! My teeth aren't wiggly!"
I have really enjoyed keeping journals for my 3 kids. It is a challenge to keep up with them. But it is so rewarding and special to be able to look back at how much they, and I, have changed. To see how I felt about what was going on at the time, to read the words of wisdom and insight I try to pass on to them. To see how many words they have said by certain points, or what new milestone they were reaching. It brings back so many memories.
I would really encourage anyone out there to try this. To keep a journal for each of your children. You can use any format you want, any content you want. Maybe it will be full of facts and milestones. Maybe Bible verses. Maybe you will write it as a letter, or maybe just a list of what happened that day. Any way you choose to do it, you will cherish it, and your child will adore you for it (when they are old enough to appreciate it!).
How wonderful to not let these moments disappear in the past. But to preserve the ups and downs, to glean our own wisdom someday in the future. I am so excited for the day I can hand this journal to my son, and maybe even watch him as he reads. I would love to talk with him, and remember each day with him. To see how far we've come. And to dream about what is next.
Now, I know it really won't mean as much to anyone else, but I thought I'd share a few of the sweeter tidbits from here and there.
May 4, 2005: You are so wonderful. My life revolves around you. I constantly am waiting for your next movement, anticipating what new foods will cause you to do, and enjoying feeling you play hide-and-seek with everyone. No one but your daddy has been able to feel you.
May 14, 2005: I'm so anxious for you to get here. I wish they could do a c-section this week, just so I can have you. But you still have 8 weeks left. I know it will go by fast, and that is my only consolation.
September 16, 2006: I love you so much. Every day my heart just fills with more and more love for you. I can't believe how much love I have for you. You are my Sweetheart, my "Booger," my big boy. You are so cute and adorable. I love watching you sleep in the car. Your cheeks all cute and chubby, and your lips pooch out.
October 25, 2006: I have to keep telling myself, "I do love my kids, I do, I do..." Oh, there are days, like today, when I want to pull my hair out. Both you and DS2 have been pills. And you with your new found attitude. It drives me crazy!
March 12, 2010: Oh, what a character you are! You are 4 1/2 now, and full of your own opinions and thoughts. You are inquisitive and a good leader. I read somewhere recently that preschoolers ask an average of 75 questions an hour---and you seem determined to prove that!
July 14, 2010: Well, no longer are you 4. You have had your 5th birthday, and you are really embracing the self proclaimed idea that being 5 means you get special privileges. We are having to remind you constantly that you are still a child and you do still have to follow the rules and be nice.........You are so excited for all the wonderful adventures that life holds for you. One that comes to mind is losing your teeth. On your birthday you felt your teeth, then exclaimed "I'm not 5 yet! My teeth aren't wiggly!"
I have really enjoyed keeping journals for my 3 kids. It is a challenge to keep up with them. But it is so rewarding and special to be able to look back at how much they, and I, have changed. To see how I felt about what was going on at the time, to read the words of wisdom and insight I try to pass on to them. To see how many words they have said by certain points, or what new milestone they were reaching. It brings back so many memories.
I would really encourage anyone out there to try this. To keep a journal for each of your children. You can use any format you want, any content you want. Maybe it will be full of facts and milestones. Maybe Bible verses. Maybe you will write it as a letter, or maybe just a list of what happened that day. Any way you choose to do it, you will cherish it, and your child will adore you for it (when they are old enough to appreciate it!).
How wonderful to not let these moments disappear in the past. But to preserve the ups and downs, to glean our own wisdom someday in the future. I am so excited for the day I can hand this journal to my son, and maybe even watch him as he reads. I would love to talk with him, and remember each day with him. To see how far we've come. And to dream about what is next.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Baby 2
I now find myself staring down another birthday, not for myself, but for my middle child. As crazy as it seems that my eldest is now a five year old, it is crazier still that my younger son is set to turn four in two days. They are but 13 months apart, and yet worlds apart in personality.
When DS1 was just 5 months old, we discovered I was pregnant again, and due shortly after his first birthday. We had spent a great deal of time deliberating over the perfect boy name for our first son and decided we had finally found it. Imagine our predicament, then, when we discovered we were now expecting another little boy in just a few short months. Names were suggested, and names were discarded. A list was made of possibilities, but nothing just reached out and "grabbed" us like Micah had. So our little baby remained nameless until 2 days before we were scheduled to be induced because he still hadn't made an appearance. Instead, we referred to him as "Baby 2".
DS2 has been distinctive from day 1. He was tongue-tied when he was born, which set off it's own little whirlwind of problems. He could not nurse because he was unable to latch on, and we were not informed that he would be able to after the skin was clipped.
DS2 rolled over the first time at 6 weeks old. His doctor didn't believe me. We thought it was a fluke thing, until he started doing it consistently, and rolling both ways. He was climbing onto the furniture before he could even crawl, and has been moving ever since. He would go through phases when he was little of fits and tantrums, from the age of only a few months old. We discovered it was connected with his level of mobility and independence. He would be extremely fussy, but then he learned to sit up on his own and the house quieted down. Pretty soon he'd grow weary of just sitting and would become fussy again. As soon as he learned to crawl, peace resumed. But then even that was not enough and the whining began again. Walking was the last mountain to conquer and with it mastered, a level of calmness reigned. But life is never truly calm in a home with 2 little boys under 2 years.
Any new mom can tell you that after having a baby, your emotions go a little haywire. Some women are left with only minimal ups and downs and are able to deal quite easily. Others are on the opposite end of the spectrum and find themselves spiraling out of control. The rest find themselves somewhere between the two. Imagine these emotions are a roller coaster. Some women ride a relatively calm coaster with a few twists and turns, but nothing too dramatic. The less fortunate find themselves thrown for a loop...literally. Upside downs, loop-d-loops, hills and steep drops. When you finally are able to step off the coaster, you may be sick to your stomach, or in the postpartum sense, in a state of recovery.
Now, imagine you've just stepped off one roller coaster, only to find yourself entering another one, this one more fierce and dramatic. The tension doubles, the nausea increases and nerves are shot.
This is precisely what I faced after my second baby was born. Raging hormones meets raging hormones. Add to that the newborn, one year old, a mother unable to help due to health reasons, and a husband who was recovering from his own health crisis. Life was CRAZY!
Now, I know that everyone's situation is different. For some women it may be a boyfriend who is non-committal, financial difficulties, feelings of inadequacy, or any number of things. But the bottom line is this: depression happens. It can happen to anyone. It shows itself in many ways. It lasts different lengths of times. And more people deal with it than you know.
My one major regret (that encompasses and affects all my other regrets) from this time in my life, is that I did not talk to a doctor about my depression. Day after day, while sitting on the floor with a screaming newborn, sobbing toddler and me out of sorts crying, I would think to myself "So this is depression; I wish I could talk to someone about this." And yet time would pass. I would get through one day only to face another, and time stretched out in front of me like an enormous desert that seems to choke you before you take the first step. It was a dark time.
If anything good can come out of that time, it would be that someone would listen when I tell my story. Someone would take the advice that I give, and that is to get help. To talk to someone, a doctor or counselor. If it means taking medicine, then do it. If it means allowing someone to help out at home, let them. If it means actually asking for help, do it. But don't shoulder everything alone. Don't carry the burden of depression on yourself. It will only stay with you longer and harm your precious children.
But this being a Mariposa blog, I am so thankful for change. Obviously if I am celebrating my DS2 turning 4, that means we are all still alive and well today, and have survived that tumultuous first year. He has grown into a sweet, caring, lovable little man that I am so proud to call my own. He fills my life with laughter and smiles, hugs and snuggles, and has come up with the funniest things to say. "You crack me up like a seat-belt!" He is quick to try whatever his big brother is doing, unless it involves pain, or possible pain, or one of the many foods that he does not like.
When I first found out I was pregnant with him, I have to say I was less than thrilled. I had barely figured out how to parent one child, then here comes number two. The first one hadn't been planned, but was welcomed with open arms and loving acceptance. Second baby, I'm afraid, was not so readily accepted.
But (and I know this sounds cliche) I can not imagine life without my DS2. My life would be so incomplete without the sound of his laughter, and the warmth of him snuggled against me as we read. I would miss the way his hair sticks up all over, no matter how long it is. I would miss his precious chocolate brown eyes and the way he crinkles them up when he smiles. I would miss his tender heart, how he will offer to hug me when I'm sad, or rub my back if I mention it being sore. He has filled my life with so many wonderful moments, I would gladly go through that awful first year again just to be with him now.
Life has a funny way of working out. Things we perceive as "curses" are sometimes blessings in disguise. A present from the Father who gives perfect gifts. A heavenly bundle wrapped in flesh, hand delivered to a parent who doesn't deserve it.
Every generous act of giving and every perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father who made the heavenly lights, in whom there is no inconsistency or shifting shadow. James 1:27
When DS1 was just 5 months old, we discovered I was pregnant again, and due shortly after his first birthday. We had spent a great deal of time deliberating over the perfect boy name for our first son and decided we had finally found it. Imagine our predicament, then, when we discovered we were now expecting another little boy in just a few short months. Names were suggested, and names were discarded. A list was made of possibilities, but nothing just reached out and "grabbed" us like Micah had. So our little baby remained nameless until 2 days before we were scheduled to be induced because he still hadn't made an appearance. Instead, we referred to him as "Baby 2".
DS2 has been distinctive from day 1. He was tongue-tied when he was born, which set off it's own little whirlwind of problems. He could not nurse because he was unable to latch on, and we were not informed that he would be able to after the skin was clipped.
DS2 rolled over the first time at 6 weeks old. His doctor didn't believe me. We thought it was a fluke thing, until he started doing it consistently, and rolling both ways. He was climbing onto the furniture before he could even crawl, and has been moving ever since. He would go through phases when he was little of fits and tantrums, from the age of only a few months old. We discovered it was connected with his level of mobility and independence. He would be extremely fussy, but then he learned to sit up on his own and the house quieted down. Pretty soon he'd grow weary of just sitting and would become fussy again. As soon as he learned to crawl, peace resumed. But then even that was not enough and the whining began again. Walking was the last mountain to conquer and with it mastered, a level of calmness reigned. But life is never truly calm in a home with 2 little boys under 2 years.
Any new mom can tell you that after having a baby, your emotions go a little haywire. Some women are left with only minimal ups and downs and are able to deal quite easily. Others are on the opposite end of the spectrum and find themselves spiraling out of control. The rest find themselves somewhere between the two. Imagine these emotions are a roller coaster. Some women ride a relatively calm coaster with a few twists and turns, but nothing too dramatic. The less fortunate find themselves thrown for a loop...literally. Upside downs, loop-d-loops, hills and steep drops. When you finally are able to step off the coaster, you may be sick to your stomach, or in the postpartum sense, in a state of recovery.
Now, imagine you've just stepped off one roller coaster, only to find yourself entering another one, this one more fierce and dramatic. The tension doubles, the nausea increases and nerves are shot.
This is precisely what I faced after my second baby was born. Raging hormones meets raging hormones. Add to that the newborn, one year old, a mother unable to help due to health reasons, and a husband who was recovering from his own health crisis. Life was CRAZY!
Now, I know that everyone's situation is different. For some women it may be a boyfriend who is non-committal, financial difficulties, feelings of inadequacy, or any number of things. But the bottom line is this: depression happens. It can happen to anyone. It shows itself in many ways. It lasts different lengths of times. And more people deal with it than you know.
My one major regret (that encompasses and affects all my other regrets) from this time in my life, is that I did not talk to a doctor about my depression. Day after day, while sitting on the floor with a screaming newborn, sobbing toddler and me out of sorts crying, I would think to myself "So this is depression; I wish I could talk to someone about this." And yet time would pass. I would get through one day only to face another, and time stretched out in front of me like an enormous desert that seems to choke you before you take the first step. It was a dark time.
If anything good can come out of that time, it would be that someone would listen when I tell my story. Someone would take the advice that I give, and that is to get help. To talk to someone, a doctor or counselor. If it means taking medicine, then do it. If it means allowing someone to help out at home, let them. If it means actually asking for help, do it. But don't shoulder everything alone. Don't carry the burden of depression on yourself. It will only stay with you longer and harm your precious children.
But this being a Mariposa blog, I am so thankful for change. Obviously if I am celebrating my DS2 turning 4, that means we are all still alive and well today, and have survived that tumultuous first year. He has grown into a sweet, caring, lovable little man that I am so proud to call my own. He fills my life with laughter and smiles, hugs and snuggles, and has come up with the funniest things to say. "You crack me up like a seat-belt!" He is quick to try whatever his big brother is doing, unless it involves pain, or possible pain, or one of the many foods that he does not like.
When I first found out I was pregnant with him, I have to say I was less than thrilled. I had barely figured out how to parent one child, then here comes number two. The first one hadn't been planned, but was welcomed with open arms and loving acceptance. Second baby, I'm afraid, was not so readily accepted.
But (and I know this sounds cliche) I can not imagine life without my DS2. My life would be so incomplete without the sound of his laughter, and the warmth of him snuggled against me as we read. I would miss the way his hair sticks up all over, no matter how long it is. I would miss his precious chocolate brown eyes and the way he crinkles them up when he smiles. I would miss his tender heart, how he will offer to hug me when I'm sad, or rub my back if I mention it being sore. He has filled my life with so many wonderful moments, I would gladly go through that awful first year again just to be with him now.
Life has a funny way of working out. Things we perceive as "curses" are sometimes blessings in disguise. A present from the Father who gives perfect gifts. A heavenly bundle wrapped in flesh, hand delivered to a parent who doesn't deserve it.
Every generous act of giving and every perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father who made the heavenly lights, in whom there is no inconsistency or shifting shadow. James 1:27
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Hope
Lamentations 3:22-23
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
If ever a passage of scripture were to give hope, I feel this would be it. The prophet Jeremiah writes about despair, pain, suffering, sin and wrongdoing. The passage speaks of anguish and depression so deep, it had "walled me in so I cannot escape; he has weighed me down with chains."
It speaks of a heartache so real "He pierced my heart with arrows from his quiver."
He felt ashamed and mocked and cast away, "I became the laughingstock of all my people;they mock me in song all day long."
I feel there is a guilt, a sense of unforgiveness towards himself, "I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is."
As I was reading this passage, I felt myself identifying so closely with the feelings and thoughts Jeremiah had written. I have been through periods of depression that threatened to choke me out; at times it seemed I couldn't breathe because it hurt so bad. I have been wounded by friends and family, and felt my heart ripped out of my chest. I felt broken, pierced, bleeding inside.
I have been publicly ridiculed by those who called me friend to my face. It was like they slapped me in the face, spewing nastiness from the very mouths they had commended me with. And I myself have been unable to forgive my own wrongs and shortcomings. It has felt like an inescapable blemish upon my report card of life. That I was/am never good enough. Like I will never get ahead.
We all go through periods in life of hopelessness. Of depression. Of ridicule and wretchedness. We have all felt the sting of betrayal and humiliation at some point in life. We have all been through times of loss and bereavement. This is life. This is what being part of mankind brings. No one is exempt. No one can avoid pain.
And yet, in all the pain and hopelessness there is in our hearts, there is still one thing to find a measure of hope in. And that is this: "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
No matter how dark, or how impossibly long the night may seem, we know that eventually morning will come. No matter how strong the wind is, or how high the waves of the hurricane may grow, pretty soon the storm will pass and all that is left is memories and a need to recompose.
Just as the rainbow that God placed in the sky after Noah's flood, he has given us a promise also. That his mercy is always new. That each trouble, each night we may face, in the morning, at the end of the tunnel there is a compassionate and understanding and loving God.
"You came near when I called you,
and you said, "Do not fear."
O Lord, you took up my case;
you redeemed my life."
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
If ever a passage of scripture were to give hope, I feel this would be it. The prophet Jeremiah writes about despair, pain, suffering, sin and wrongdoing. The passage speaks of anguish and depression so deep, it had "walled me in so I cannot escape; he has weighed me down with chains."
It speaks of a heartache so real "He pierced my heart with arrows from his quiver."
He felt ashamed and mocked and cast away, "I became the laughingstock of all my people;they mock me in song all day long."
I feel there is a guilt, a sense of unforgiveness towards himself, "I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is."
As I was reading this passage, I felt myself identifying so closely with the feelings and thoughts Jeremiah had written. I have been through periods of depression that threatened to choke me out; at times it seemed I couldn't breathe because it hurt so bad. I have been wounded by friends and family, and felt my heart ripped out of my chest. I felt broken, pierced, bleeding inside.
I have been publicly ridiculed by those who called me friend to my face. It was like they slapped me in the face, spewing nastiness from the very mouths they had commended me with. And I myself have been unable to forgive my own wrongs and shortcomings. It has felt like an inescapable blemish upon my report card of life. That I was/am never good enough. Like I will never get ahead.
We all go through periods in life of hopelessness. Of depression. Of ridicule and wretchedness. We have all felt the sting of betrayal and humiliation at some point in life. We have all been through times of loss and bereavement. This is life. This is what being part of mankind brings. No one is exempt. No one can avoid pain.
And yet, in all the pain and hopelessness there is in our hearts, there is still one thing to find a measure of hope in. And that is this: "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
No matter how dark, or how impossibly long the night may seem, we know that eventually morning will come. No matter how strong the wind is, or how high the waves of the hurricane may grow, pretty soon the storm will pass and all that is left is memories and a need to recompose.
Just as the rainbow that God placed in the sky after Noah's flood, he has given us a promise also. That his mercy is always new. That each trouble, each night we may face, in the morning, at the end of the tunnel there is a compassionate and understanding and loving God.
"You came near when I called you,
and you said, "Do not fear."
O Lord, you took up my case;
you redeemed my life."
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